


everything is good, everything is fine

by boxesofflowers, Eeyoreneedsahug



Series: oh sister, am i not a brother to you? [2]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Caring Even, Caring Isak, Cute, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Kid Fic, M/M, Mental Health Issues, big brother Even
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:12:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9395183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxesofflowers/pseuds/boxesofflowers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eeyoreneedsahug/pseuds/Eeyoreneedsahug
Summary: Even is just fine. So he says. After a family crisis, Even starts to pull away, but Isak just wants to be there for him.





	1. tell me everything is cool

**Author's Note:**

> We're super excited to share our new work with you! 
> 
> Title(s) from Cherry Wine by Nas feat. Amy Winehouse

Even shouts his usual “ _Halla_ 1?” as they walk into the house, smiling at Isak when there’s no reply. They’ve just gotten off school, and Even had suggested they go back to his place to watch a movie on his laptop. Most of the time this meant cuddling in Even’s lofted bed, exchanging jokes and soft kisses.

It happens maybe once a week, and Isak loves these days more than he’ll ever let Even know. It always starts during lunch, when his boyfriend brings up some obscure title or reference Isak’s never heard of, and Even immediately becomes enamored with the idea of watching said film with him. 

Isak loves the way he looks when he’s excited - there’s this light in his eyes, and Isak will do anything to keep it there.

He loves the way they lie together, so close he can feel Even’s heartbeat. He loves the sharp breaths Even takes when they get to his favorite parts. He’ll whisper that he “really likes this bit,” but Isak always knows.

Today’s film is ET. Isak knows (in theory) what the movie’s about, but he’s never actually watched it. Sort of in the way most people know about Romeo and Juliet but haven’t read the play. Still, Even insists that Isak absolutely has to _watch_ it to appreciate it properly.

It’s only a few minutes before they’re on the couch in the living room - not the bed this time, because Even wants to take advantage of the blessing that is an empty house - sharing a bag of chips.

“So where is everyone then?” Isak asks, and Even sighs, fiddling with the tv remote.

“Dad’s at work till 16:00, and Thea, Sofia, and Felix are at school. Thea doesn’t get home til 16:30 usually, because Mom picks her up. But Sofia and Felix get home around 16:00. Off the bus. So we have…” Even looks at his phone. “About an hour. Before mayhem.”

“Nice.” Isak says, leaning more heavily against Even’s shoulder. 

“Fuck yeah, it’s nice.” The older boy says, smiling softly. He kisses Isak’s cheek, running his fingers through his curls.

“How am I supposed to watch a movie with you here distracting me?” He teases, and Even kisses him.

“Hmmm...you'll have to figure it out. There's going to be a quiz.” Even smiles, presses play and starts the movie, as Isak rolls his eyes. He adjusts the blanket so it covers Isak’s feet. The house is notoriously cold, not because there’s anything wrong with the heating, it’s just that Even’s dad has more of “put on a sweater” philosophy when it comes to temperature regulation.

Isak loves Even’s family, almost more than his own. He’s over at Even’s so often it feels like a second home. At least three times a week he visits, and always has dinner with them once or twice. They seem to like him, but he can’t really be sure. He knows where Even got his odd stoicism - his dad is the same way. He always has this placid, almost amused expression, and it’s frustratingly hard to tell what he’s thinking. Still, Isak’s never been kicked out, so he assumes he’s doing pretty well so far.

About a half hour into the movie, Even’s phone starts to ring. He groans in annoyance, but picks it up.

“ _Halla?_ 2” He flashes Isak a quick smile after a moment, mouthing that it’s his mom. He leans back, and Isak holds his free hand. Even frowns suddenly. “Wait...slow down. What’s happening?” His eyebrows are knitted in confusion. “What do you mean?” Isak is watching him carefully, looking for any sign that could mean something’s really wrong. “No, I don’t know. I don’t know. Mom-” He’s cut off. He’s silent for a few moments, just listening. His face is hardening slowly. “Yeah. I can. I’ll...I’ll let you know.” He sighs heavily. “Yeah. Ok. _Jeg er glad i deg, mamma. Ha det._ 3” He hangs up, and closes his eyes like he’s trying to calm himself down. The changes in his face are almost imperceptible, but after so long, Isak can pick up on them almost without fail.

“That was your mom?” Isak clarifies, and Even nods, taking another deep breath before speaking.

“Thea...ran away from school. She’s not there. They can’t find her.” He says, and Isak can tell he’s struggling to maintain his composure. Thea’s the youngest of his siblings, only 7. 

She runs away on a fairly regular basis, and Even always has to be the one to get her to come back home. Isak doesn’t really understand why - he’d never want to pry into anything Even wasn’t comfortable sharing - but he knew that this seemed like it was more serious than normal. Isak knows how much Even loves her. Probably more than he loves anyone in the world, including himself.

Isak knows Even would do anything for that girl, and he also knows Even falls apart when she’s hurt.

“Christ.” It’s all Isak can manage to get out.

“I have to go look for her. I think she might’ve tried to walk home.” Even stands, grabbing his shoes. “I’m sorry, Iss. I just-”

“I can come. If you want me to. I can help.” Even looks surprised.

“You really don’t have to, don’t feel like you have to.” He says, almost embarrassed.

“Of course not. I want to.” He says, standing up, grabbing his own shoes. Even looks frozen. “You don’t want me to come?”

“No, I do. It’s just...a lot. I don’t want you to feel like it’s too much.” His hands are shoved into his pockets. Isak gives him a small smile.

“C’mon. Like I’m just gonna leave you right now? No. Fuck no.” He finishes tying his shoes, and grabs his coat, shrugging it on. Even nods, a grateful, weary smile lingering on his face. He pulls on his own jacket, taking another shaking breath. He laces his fingers in Isak’s.

“Have I told you ‘I love you,’ lately?” He murmurs, and Isak gives him a quick kiss.

“You’ve mentioned it.”

\---

They’ve been wandering around for about an hour. They haven’t been speaking, but their breath makes misty conversations about the worries they haven’t revealed to each other. 

Isak doesn’t ask where they’re going, just follows. He’s got a suspicion that Even doesn’t really have a plan, and if he were to ask, it might break the fragile confidence the older boy does have. Even had mentioned something about Thea trying to find her way home, but other than that, he hadn’t given any indication as to where they were headed. 

So Isak just follows, every so often slipping his hand into Even’s, giving a small squeeze. 

Finally, he asks the question neither of them really want to know the answer to.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s a long story,” Even says shortly, though not unkindly.

“I have time.” Even gives a small, subdued laugh, but his smile quickly fades.

“I think she’s manic,” he says, stopping in his tracks for a moment.

“What?” This can’t be right. It has to be some kind of paranoia. Kids run away. They don’t know better.

“Manic. Bipolar. I just...remember. What it was like. When I was her age,” Even says quietly. “And I’m almost sure that’s what’s going on. But I don’t…” he trails off, staring down at his feet. Snow has started falling, and his fingers are trembling. Isak takes one of his hands. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do. If it happens.” He pauses. “She’s just like me. I used to run away too. Same way she does. For the same reasons. Except she’s running to me, and I was…” he hesitates again, staring at their intertwined hands. Isak can tell he’s not really trying to explain things anymore, he’s just getting it all out. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. It was this flood of anxiety, a deluge of words. “I’m glad she has me, I guess, but at the same time I hate that she...needs someone. She shouldn’t _need_ someone in that way. Not yet. I don’t want her to feel like me,” he takes a deep breath. “I want her to be ok,” he stops, swallowing hard, and Isak tightens his hold on Even’s fingers.

“But you’re ok,” Isak says, looking up at Even’s face. He doesn’t meet his gaze.

“It’s gonna kill me. If it happens,” Even says, and Isak knows immediately what he’s referring to. A diagnosis. Up to this point, it’d just been Even’s speculation. It was all nebulous. But if she was diagnosed, it would all be real. Every worry and every anxious word would be laid out in front of him. 

Isak doesn’t respond, just wraps his arms wordlessly around Even, pulling him close. Even hugs him back, burying his face in Isak’s neck. 

They stand there, pressed against each other, for what seems like ages before Even’s phone starts to ring in his pocket. He pulls it out with shaking fingers, answering it quickly. Isak pulls back slightly, leaving one arm around his waist and one hand moving to ghost over Even’s chest. He’s not sure if it’s his imagination, but he can almost feel the pounding of Even’s heartbeat.

“ _Halla, Mamma,_ 4” he says. After a moment, he lets out a heavy breath. “Ok. So-” he gets cut off. “Why?” more silence. His breath makes clouds in the air. He still won’t look Isak in the eye. It feels like a long time before he speaks again and breaks the cold silence. “Ok. I’m coming.” He hangs up and takes another deep breath.


	2. put me at ease

“She’s at the hospital. My mom’s there with her. We - I have to go.” Even says, almost in a whisper. Isak catches the small correction, as his “we” turns into an “I”, but decides to ignore it for the time being, instead, focusing his attention on Even. A very pale Even. He keeps his palm pressed to the taller boy’s chest, still trying to comfort him in some small way.

“Did she say why?” Isak asks, and Even nods stiffly.

“A cop found her crying on the sidewalk. Her hands were all cut up.” Even looks like he might be sick. He shoves his hands into his pockets, closing his eyes. He takes a deep breath, and runs his hand through his hair.

“Christ.”

“Yeah. They took her to the ER and then they realized who she was. I...I have to go,” he repeats, but doesn’t move.

The snowflakes keep falling, the world blurring around them slowly. 

“You don’t want me to come?” Isak tests, and Even shakes his head slightly, staring down at Isak’s hand - lying softly near his heart. 

“You don’t wanna come. I’m not gonna put you through that,” he murmurs, and Isak presses a gentle kiss to his cheek. He lingers for a moment, nuzzling his nose against Even’s with a small smile.

“But do you want me to?” Even takes a deep breath, his eyes moving carefully over Isak’s face. He’s debating. Weighing his options. He takes a deep, shaking breath.

“Yeah, but it’s-” he finally concedes, and Isak cuts him off.

“Then I’m coming,” he states firmly, and pulls out his phone to call a cab. Even doesn’t reply, but Isak hears him give a sigh of relief. Isak holds Even, hugging him tight as they wait for the taxi. It probably seems a little odd to any passersby that they’re standing, mostly unmoving, but sometimes rocking slightly, in an extended embrace. They don’t care. 

The ride is mostly just the sound of Isak’s voice. He’s not talking about anything in particular, just trying to distract Even from the spiral of worry he knows is going on in his head. Even is leaning into his chest, clinging to the dull murmur of his words. 

Isak’s feels anxiety rising in the pit of his stomach, but he tries to ignore it. Now isn’t the time to break down. He isn’t the one who has a reason to be anxious. He can’t let Even down. 

Even opens the door before the car stops, making a beeline up the icy stairs to the entrance. By the time Isak pays, Even’s already rushing through the revolving door, and Isak nearly breaks his neck running up the slick steps to catch him. 

When he finally gets inside, breathless, he sees Even standing, frozen, in the middle of the hall. Only his eyes move - darting around the space almost frantically, like he’s not quite sure where he is. Isak puts a careful hand on his shoulder, and he flinches.

“Reception desk?” Isak prompts softly, and Even nods before striding over to the small window set into the wall. He rests his hands on the ledge, tapping his middle and pointer fingers restlessly. 

“I’m looking for my sister,” he says, voice much more confident than Isak was expecting, and the woman behind the glass nods, shuffling a few papers.

“Name?” Even seems to be shell-shocked by this question, taking a few deep breaths. Isak continues for him.

“Bech Næsheim. Thea,” he says, and Even gives him a small look of gratitude. The woman taps something into the computer and clicks her tongue.

“That’s wing F, floor 7. Go to the desk there and they’ll let you know what room she’s in.” Even nods, mumbling a small thanks before grabbing Isak’s hand and moving toward the end of the hall. He jabs at the elevator call button, his middle and pointer fingers still drumming, now on the back of Isak’s hand. He lets out another heavy breath, pressing his eyes closed for a beat.

“It’s ok. Everything’s ok,” Isak offers, and Even nods. There’s a soft bell, and the doors on their left slide open. 

By the time they get to the right place, Even is practically shaking. When his mother sees them walk into the waiting area, she immediately stands, rushing over to give Even a small hug. He hugs her back, burying his face in her neck.

“Where’s Thea?” he asks lifting his head slightly, and she presses her lips into a line.

“She’s with Pappa. She’s having a blood test. When she comes back, she’ll love to see you.” She pulls away slightly, and Even, reluctantly, does the same.

“Why a blood test?” Even asks, and his mother sighs, clearly exhausted.

“I don’t know.” She shifts her attention. “Isak. Hi, nice of you to come.” 

“Of course,” Isak says, hugging her briefly. He really likes her - in some ways she’s almost like another mom - and he doesn’t like to see her looking so broken down. 

“I’m heading down to the cafe. Do you two want anything?” They shake their heads, and she gives Even one last small hug before walking back down the long hallway. “Call me when she gets back.”

Even is still shaking slightly as Isak pulls him over to the line of chairs. He guides him into one of the seats and takes the one next to him, leaning over and wrapping an arm around his trembling boyfriend. They sit in silent anxiety for several minutes as they warm up. Even’s hands are cold in Isak’s, and runs his thumb gently over the older boy’s knuckles.

“I’m just glad she’s alright. I’m glad they found her,” Even starts. “Everytime I think it’s going to be the time we can’t find her. Everytime I ask myself when was the last time I talked to her, or hugged her, or told her she was my little bird. Just in case.” Isak listens patiently, trying to pick up on the subtle cues in Even’s expression that could help him understand exactly how he’s feeling. 

Isak remembers when Even explained Thea’s nickname. Bird. He’d said it was because of one of these times. One of these times where Thea ran away and nobody could find her. And when Even finally got her back home he tried to tell her how sometimes he felt the same way. Like he wanted to get away from everything for a little while - see it from high up like a bird. She said that’s what she wanted to, and he told her that birds always knew how to get home. Birds could always fly back home. If she was a bird, he said, she’d have to promise to always come home.

So she promised, and that’s what he called her. Little bird.

“Ev, it’s ok. She’s safe,” Isak tries to reassure him, and keeps touching him gently. Brushing back his hair, holding his hands, kissing his jawline. Even sighs wearily.

“I hope she knows...I’m here. Nobody...nobody would’ve told her, but I feel like she might know anyway.” Isak just hums in response, and Even looks down at their intertwined fingers. “And she hates needles. I always have to be there. We always have to count to ten. She makes me stay there til it’s done. My dad...he doesn’t like stuff like that.”

“Like what?” Isak asks and Even shrugs slightly.

“Ya know, stuff that doesn’t make sense. He’s really practical. Like...Thea used to have this stuffed rabbit she slept with, she loved it to death, but one day he just threw it out. It was all beaten up, and he didn’t understand why she would want something so beaten up.” He pauses, taking another almost labored breath. “And he’s nice and everything. He loves her. He loves...me. He’s just not…” he trails off, and Isak cuts in.

“ _Kosete_ 1?” he supplies, and Even raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” he huffs out a dry laugh. “ _Kosete_ 2.” They’re quiet for a moment or so before Even speaks again. “I hate this.” Isak runs his fingers carefully through the older boy’s hair, and he sighs.

“I know.” They sit in silence for another few minutes that feel like hours, Isak trying desperately to provide some measure of comfort. He eventually just leans his head over on Even’s shoulder and stares at their laced fingers. He tries to pick out small conversations in the loud room. Most of them don’t make any sense, but it’s easier than listening to Even’s short, clipped breathing. He mumbles a few to Even to try to distract him for a few moments. He doesn’t want to see his boyfriend cry. 

A nurse walks into the waiting room, and taps a pen on her clipboard.

“Anyone for Bech Næshiem?” She asks, and Even stands shakily, followed quickly by Isak. The nurse gives them a tight lipped smile. “She’s ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 Cuddly  
> 2 Cuddly
> 
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)!  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!


	3. where is she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the (very very) long wait! Reminder this fic is set in the January/February after Evak first started dating :)

They’re led down a series of white, bright hallways until they finally get to a small, dark room. There’s a small desk littered with papers, an open laptop, and a male nurse typing furiously. When he sees them walk in he smiles, and the other nurse leaves quickly.

“You’re the brother?” he asks, and Even nods. “And you are…?” Isak shifts his weight, feeling Even’s fingers fumble for his. They squeeze tight. Isak squeezes back.

“Isak,” he says almost reflexively, and Even lets out a small laugh - the sound makes some of the invisible weight lift off his shoulders. The nurse narrows his eyes but doesn’t question him further.

“Alright. You two can go in, buzz if there’s a problem, someone will be right with you.”

As soon as Even walks through the door, Thea sprints at him. He kneels down just in time to wrap her in a hug, her head buried in his neck. He takes a deep breath, and she starts to cry.

Even’s father is standing in the corner, watching silently. After a moment, he clears his throat, and Even looks up.

“I’ll go call Mama.” He leaves without another word, and Thea doesn’t acknowledge anything other than Even, who’s now softly tucking her hair back behind her ears with a single minded focus. He kisses her forehead and wipes her tears with the side of his thumb.

Isak stands somewhat awkwardly by the door, hands in his pockets. Suddenly, Even seems aware of his boyfriend’s presence. He motions for him to sit down on the floor with them, so Isak does. The tile is cold, and he feels sort of...out of place. Even wants him here, but it doesn’t feel as if he belongs.

The room is mostly bare apart from two uncomfortable looking chairs and a small table, the walls decorated with faded stickers of balloons and clouds. The flourescent lighting is harsh, it makes Even look even more pale than he already is.

After what seems like an eternity, Thea extracts herself from the tight embrace and sits cross legged. She’s sort of jittery, Isak notices. She can’t seem to sit completely still, which is very out of character, and her hands keep clenching and unclenching. Her cheeks are still tear stained and she still has the type of shaky breath you get when you cry too hard.

“It’s alright, I’m here,” Even offers quietly, resting a hand on her knee. She nods vigorously. “It’s ok.”

“What is Isak doing? Why is he here?” Her words come out it a rush, almost tumbling over each other.

“We were at home-” Even starts, but Thea cuts him off.

“You and him?”

“Yeah, me and Isak. And Mama called and said you ran away. So Isak came along to help me find you, and now we’re here.” Even’s voice is so calm, Isak wonders how he manages it.

“I don’t like him,” Thea says, hands still clenched into fists. “I don’t. I want him to leave.” Even gives Isak a nervous glance, barely concealing his anxiety. He takes a deep breath, and goes back to stroking her hair.

“You know how you need me?” Even asks, and Thea nods.“I need Isak. I can’t...stay here, if he’s not here.” She presses the heels of her palms against her eyes, shaking her head.

“That’s not fair.” Isak wonders if Thea always gets like this when she’s sick. Never, not ever, has he seen her act anything other than the sweet, loving little girl he’s known for the past few months. “Only you can understand.”

“Tell me all the things you feel, Bird,” Even says quietly.

“I don’t want to.” Tears are still slipping down her cheeks, and Even wipes them gently with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

“You feel mad?” She frowns. “Ok. That’s ok, to feel mad. Why...why are you so upset today, huh?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s ok to not know. Take a deep breath.”

“No!” She’s crying harder now, almost shouting, and her small frame is trembling. 

Isak can’t reconcile the girl in front of him with the one he knows. The Thea he knows likes pancakes in the shapes of stars and when Even braids her hair. She always wears something blue because she thinks it’s good luck. And she thinks Isak is her best friend.

“Do you wanna play a game? With me and Isak?” Even asks, gently wiping tears from her cheeks. She doesn’t respond, just keeps trying to catch her breath. “It’s really easy. I think you’ll like it. Right Isak?”

“Ja. It’s really fun. I remember...Even said yesterday when we played that he wished you were there,” Isak says slowly.

“No he didn’t.” She says quietly, but not angrily. Her breath is still broken and uneven.

“You weren’t there. How would you know? Are you a psychic?” Even teases gently, glancing over at Isak out of the corner of his eye. She shakes her head, straight faced. “It’s called Jeg Kan Fole1,” Even explains. 

“I don’t wanna play a game,” she says, and he nods.

“That’s ok. We’ll go first. How it works is,” Even clears his throat, “I say something that I can feel or see or hear or smell or taste, and we go around in a circle and don’t repeat. So…” He takes a deep breath. “I see Isak.”

“I…” Isak trails off. He looks over at the little girl sitting across from him, her hair stuck to her cheek, and wonders how on earth he can possibly make her feel better. “I smell lemons.”

“Deep breath,” Even reminds her, and she nods.

“I can feel my head hurting,” she says.

They go around and around until the nurse comes back with Even’s mother, and Thea’s breathing is even and her eyes are dry.

\---

“I’m so sorry you got...dragged into this,” Even says, and Isak tightens his grip on the older boy’s cold hand. They’re waiting outside for Isak’s bus - Even is sleeping at the hospital but Isak is going back to the kollektivet. 

“You didn’t drag me into anything,” Isak whispers back, but Even doesn’t reply. Without a thought, Isak pulls him into a tight hug, reveling in the soft warmth of their bodies pressed against each other in contrast to the biting air.

He presses a kiss to Even’s cheek, and the older boy lets out a heavy breath

“Intellectually, I know you wouldn't be here unless you wanted to be, but it still feels…” Even trails off.

“I know,” Isak whispers back.

“In the back of my mind I always have a little ‘when's it going to be too much’ and what if it's my sister? What if next time it's me?” Even asks quietly. Isak gives him another soft kiss, not sure what else to do.

“Minute by minute, yeah?” He asks finally, and Even quirks a tiny smile. 

“Yeah.”

“Sounds easy,” Isak says with a wink and Even laughs, looking more relaxed than he has since they’d gotten the call.

“Love you,” he whispers, and places a quick kiss to Isak’s lips. The bus is coming to a halt beside them, the brakes squealing. Isak kisses him back before pulling away.

“Love you too.”

When Isak is sitting on the cold, nearly empty bus, he draws a heart on the foggy window, and thinks he can see Even smiling back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1I can feel...

**Author's Note:**

> 1 Hello  
> 2 Hello  
> 3 I love you Mom. Good bye.  
> 4 Hello, Mom.
> 
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)!  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!


End file.
